Can't I Just Be Single?

September 15 was Honduran Independence Day. The whole week was filled with activities, though the main activity was a 3-day beauty competition and then the celebratory dance to finish it all. Day 1 was the competition between the girls from 7th, 8th, and 9th grade. It feels a little creepy to be in a room full of people cheering for a 14-year-old girl dressed like Jessica Simpson in Dukes of Hazard. Then it went to a different level when people started booing... These girls already have a fragile self-esteem and to walk onto a runway and have people booing (because they're not in your grade) or worse, complete silence, is just... outrageous. That's not even to mention when the boys ask me which one I like more. (In Spanish, they have two words for like: cae bien which means they're amiable and gusta which means you like like them. They used the like like one).

Most of the time I think it's the culture that does this. The culture is obsessed with appearances, especially those of women. And the reality for most of the young girls, I would say, is that if you don't have a boyfriend/husband or kids, you really don't have any value. So many of the girls spend lots of time and money looking good so they can get one or the other (I'm not even sure if both is ideal here). The other interesting point is the girls don't even compete with each other. It's very normal to have multiple girlfriends, or a main one and several mistresses. Several married men even have other families.

The week culminated in a fiesta, or dance party, which I went to and surprised a lot of people. I even danced, which surprised more people. It's hard to get a dance when there's twice as many guys as girls and they're all pretty aggressive about asking the girls. They have a hard time saying no sometimes to the three or more insistent men who may or may not be intoxicated. I left early, though, when the beer consumption started to get out of hand (for them, not me) and made it back to my house just after midnight when I heard some gunshots. I was glad I was already home, turned off the lights and called it a night. (Fortunately no one was actually shot).

Here's a discussion from the party with some 9th grade boys:

Boy: Adam, which girl are you dating here?

Me: None.

Boy: Oh, because you have already have a wife in the States, right?

Me: No, I don't have a wife in the States.

Boy: But you can still date a Catracha, even if you have a girlfriend there.

Me: I don't have a girlfriend either.

Boy: But you already have kids, right?

Me: (What?!) Ehh... no. I definitely do not already have kids.

...

Boy: Adam, which girl did you like the most at the competition?

Me: Look, I don't like girls. I prefer women.

Boy: But they're already 15 or 16 years old.

Me: (Wow...) They need more than 20. (General rule I keep around for such occasions, and when I add in the 'no kids' part, that weeds out most of the population).

A couple days later I was invited to a quinceañera (a girl's 15th birthday party, similar to a sweet 16). Maybe you've seen some on TV, but these parties can get big. For my small town, this had to be one of the biggest parties they've seen. I mean, this birthday party outdid some of the weddings I've been to. The birthday girl arrived in a helicopter with her dad and was proceeded by 15 couples, like you'd see at a wedding with bridesmaid-type-dresses and everything. The family had killed a cow, a pig, and a lamb, plus a mountain of chickens to feed the 300+ guests that attended. Their food production got a little behind, though, and when one of the girls serving apologized about the tardiness of the food to our table, I volunteered to help out in the kitchen. That was a lot of fun, however chaotic it was. I have some experience working on an assembly line, and this was about as far from that as you could get. Plates were everywhere, there were anywhere between 3 to 5 starting points, and the meet came in waves off the barbecue. But a fun time was had, nonetheless.

And then of course, there was a girl. Two or three actually. People keep wanting to set me up with their nieces or cousins or whoever they are, and I'm supposed to meet them and hit it off instantaneously so we're dating by the time I'm finished eating. I really don't know what the people expect me to do. But they ask me what I think about them and if I want their number about 5 minutes after having met the girl! Slow down, people! I may be 24 and single with no kids, but that doesn't make me desperate to acquire a Honduran harem. And then they think maybe I have a problem with Catrachas (Honduran women), and I just like Gringas (American women) and I attempt to explain that it doesn't make a difference to me, but I don't want to feel obligated to date the only other over-20, single, childless lady in town just because she's the only option around. I try to explain that in the States, at least for me, we take things just a little bit slower. However, the unfortunate bit is that when I don't pull out a ring in the first 15 minutes, she feels like she doesn't have any value because apparently I'm the main determining factor in self-esteem (which should actually be called 'other-esteem'). Can't I just be single and be OK with that? Or better yet: Can't I just be single and you be OK with that? I feel fine about myself whether I'm in a relationship or not. I'm in no rush to complicate things and double my phone bill (although I could use the Spanish practice).

On Sunday I was chatting with some of the guys doing construction around my house. They always wanna know 'what the girls are saying', so I started explaining this situation to them. I asked what most of the people or the culture thinks about a single guy who's 30, for example, and doesn't have kids. Can you guess the machismo response? That guy must be a 'butterfly' (term used for homosexuals) then. Hmmm... figures.

Happy Independence Day!